JEALOUSY!

You're probably wondering why I used the photo above, well it fits the story! I mean, if you had to live here, wouldn't you be jealous of someone who had a better mobile home or a house?
I know I would lol. But then again, I wouldn't let myself get in that position!

This blog is a bit deeper than that. It's about jealousy of LOVE. If you find yourself being someone who is jealous because others are loved, and you're not lovable, then it's on you, not them! Not the people who are lovable, and are surrounded with good people who love them back. Those are the people who never have to worry about being love for who they are. It's sad for people who cannot be good people because they don't know what love is, let alone HOW to love themselves!

Ah, I can say that, because, sometimes I love myself, and have those "crazy" lol moments of grandure. I guess that's because I know there's people that love me for me. Not because of my dress, not because of my wit, not because I just live and let live, but people love me for those little things in life. Like, me being a compassionate person. A humanitarian, a person who loves the simple things in life. I don't need a ton of things to fill my life because I'm loved, for my good points and my not so good points. I'm not judged unfairly by these people.

Don't get me wrong, I can take constructive criticism, and I actually welcome it. It's when the jabs start to fly is when it's wrong, then I have to mark a person out of my life. That's when it's wrong to be in a persons life. When they're jealousy of you being a well liked, well loved, by people who genuinely loves you for YOU. Who you are, inside and out.

Of course there are those little things that people love you for that you don't even know about. Things that are little, things you don't notice. Your mannerisms, maybe the way you flip your hair or the way you walk, a phrase you might use that you're not aware of. Little things. Like I said, the little things you're not aware of. But if you're that fuddy duddy who has no self esteem, and are at least TRYING to get some, you're on your way.

After my marriage, my self esteem was in the crapper! Literally! I didn't realize he was stealing what little self esteem I had! Little things came out like, one day I was getting ready to go down to a show and I was fixing the trim on a pair of socks that were in style at the time. I was using a red marker to trim the red to match my shoes, when my husband, the man who is supposed to think everything I do is great, says to me "it's not like everyone's going to be looking at you!"

UM... well, I thought.. what about that ONE person who might look, it could be a woman thinking "how cute" or just "matches well with those shoes.' Anything of such. At the time I didn't let it bother me until it came to one day sitting on some swings in the near future. I looked down at myself and noticed that I must had lost a little weight because sitting in those kid swings that are plastic and kind of curve around your bottom (I guess the 'one size fits all' swing) it wasn't uncomfortable in the jeans I was wearing and I said, "wow, these don't make my jeans feel too tight or make me have a little muffin top" the man I was with said "let's keep it that way." That is when I knew he was judging me by my weight. Not really by my personality or how much fun I was. I had lots of friends and had lots of fun, and none of my friends tended to judge me on that. But it woke me up! I realized, if I were going to be judged, and loved for MYSELF then I had to get out of that situation.

I began dressing up, wearing a bit of crazy FUN jewelry and coloring my hair! I'm still blonde, I just like a little bit of streaked blonde, with some of the darker area left in. Now at the ripe old age I am, it's more fitting and it does me well, and I say that with complete confidence.

Now without a man that sits in judgment of my every move or word, I live my life as I please. If I feel like sitting in front of the tv for 3 days and not wash dishes or cook, I don't have to! And until the man comes into my life, that is happy with that, and me, then I'm fine the way things are with me. Of course I have my up days and my down days, as I believe everyone does, but no longer do I let anyone push me.

I once had a very jealous friend. (friend lol) Person in my life, how's that! If it wasn't up to her "high" standards (which are really in the gutter) she would say things like "ew," at every little thing she didn't think was perfect. It wasn't long until she confided in me her truths. When I learned them, then I realized it wasn't ME that had the problem, it was her! Now I have chosen to only surround myself with people who are doing what they can to improve themselves if they realize there's a part of their life that needs improving. SOME of them can't really do anything to change what's around them, they can only change themselves. That's understandable. I can't change some of the things around me that need changing, and it's not my fault, and I can't do a thing to change it. So, I just have to wait it out, and see what happens, and whatever happens I will cross that bridge when I come to it. But I'll at least know I'm doing the right thing, and I'm not dragging anybody down with me. If I fall, and ask for a hand up, and one reaches out, I'll take the hand to help me up, after that I'm on my own.

So when JEALOUSY rears it's ugly head, and you find yourself jealous of trivial bullshit, like someone has something they can do, and you can't bring yourself to do it, then figure out WHY you're jealous, and fix that about yourself. When you fix the things about yourself, you'll find that other things in your life are much easier to fix and you'll begin to become happy with the person you are, or want to be. Just don't use others on your way down or to climb the ladder of life. Have them as friends you can trust, or just someone in your life you can talk to sometimes. Never let anyone into your deepest darkest thoughts, because those are yours, and nobody else belongs there. After all to avoid jealousy issues, you're going to have to figure out what is yours and what isn't. Before you can make your world a better place for you to reside in. (Rather than the, not so desirable mobile home above, that's the last place you want your mind living, because there the rest of you resides as well)

Peace be with you, and remember, to question yourself on things you've done to people, and if that's the kind of person you want to be. If it's not, then it's best to change it before others realize it and ditch you on the friendship ladder of life! <3